Pain-the mental and psychological pain is also a form of fear. I know, I know, it is difficult to accept with my view but it is a fact and you will agree with me may be later in your life, if not now.
Ok, if it is a form of fear, what are you afraid of?
Fear of lack of appreciation
Fear of lack of acknowledgement
Fear of rebuke
Fear of criticism
How this pain occurs?
When you offer resistance to the condition and situation you face at present. Resistance to 'what is' always gives you pain. And when you prolong the resistance, you feel the pain equally longer.
How to avoid this pain?
Simply by offering no resistance and accepting the fact that life is a mixture of diverse situations and conditions and it will not be always as you want it.
Is there any example?
Yes. You put up your opinion on something to the person you are talking to. And he doesn't agree with your views and differs in his opinion. You immediately get angry and starts arguing in defense of your view. You slowly build up anger and that leads to resentment and frustration-all are negative emotion and are indications that you are afraid-afraid of losing.
Sure. Simply allow the person to differ from you. They have every right to differ.
Just allow them to be.